Video Tip: Say Two Yeses for Every No

Posted on September 28, 2012 by admin

Watch our new parenting tip to help manage toddler behavior.  Works well with teens, too!

 

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Discipline | Leave a comment

Homework: What can be good about it

Posted on September 1, 2012 by admin

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

~Aristotle

Now that September is here, are you ready for the structure and the obligations that the school year brings? No matter whether you are excited or dreading it, many parents find that the academic rigors spill over into home life. At the very least, families need to leave time in their schedules for the completion of homework. In addition, parents may also listen to kids’ complaints about having to do homework, monitor their progress, and assist them when they need help.

So is homework worth the trouble?  There are many benefits to having children complete assignments outside of school. Beyond, reinforcing the lessons taught in class, homework provides kids with an opportunity to:

  • meet their obligations, thereby feeling and being responsible
  • learn organizational and time management skills  which will last a lifetime
  • master new skills, which builds children’s sense of themselves as being capable.

Over time, these daily accomplishments help children to meet ever greater challenges with a sense of competency and to have the confidence to risk failing at new and difficult tasks. Children who are willing to take such academic risks are those who are more successful in school and gain from the fruits of the labor.

So as you approach this new school year, rather than groaning at the thought of “more work,” try to look at homework as a time to build good habits and skills that will serve your child throughout his academic career and beyond.

 

by Audrey Krisbergh, Director, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, School Issues | Leave a comment

Summer Memories

Posted on August 1, 2012 by admin

 

“In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.”

~ Bill Watterson, It’s a Magical World

 

Not So Great Summer Memory: The day I emptied out my kitchen cabinets and made my kids clean and line the cupboards with contact paper because they would not stop whining about how bored they were. All their friends were very busy at kaleidoscope camp or in Fiji swimming with the sharks. When I suggested that they go outside and play together I heard, “It’s too hot outside” or “There are beeeeees out there!” I felt my only option was the cabinets.

Great Summer Memory: Reading the whole Goosebumps book series to my kids. We did not have central air, just a big old wall unit in the living room. My husband was working the night shift then, so the kids and I would throw pillows and comforters on the living room floor, crank up the wall unit, put on our pj’s, and settle in while I read to them from Goosebumps. We’d fall asleep right there on the living room floor. Remembering those nights still warms my heart.

I am not suggesting that you become your child’s full-time playmate, but, do carve out a little time during your busy schedule to engage in some free, imaginative play with your children during these dog days of August. Fun, just for fun’s sake, will enhance your relationship and create summer memories that last a lifetime.

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

 

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Seasonal: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall | Leave a comment

The Signals to Follow when dealing with Sibling Rivalry

Posted on July 1, 2012 by admin

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Bill Cosby

Sibling rivalry is normal but annoying. Many factors contribute to the agitation: age, temperament, gender, amount of sleep – and that’s just the parents I’m talking about. The kids are a whole other story. So, when sibling squabbles arise and you become concerned and possibly confused about your role as the referee, use the following “Stop Light” analogy as a guide.

  • Green Light: normal bickering, all verbal, minor name-calling – stay out of it
  • Yellow Light: volume going up, objectionable name-calling – move closer, pay attention for potential escalation
  • Yellow/Red Light: more serious, possible physical/emotional harm – firmly stop the interchange, reviewing the rules, possibly separating the children until everyone settles
  • Red Light: physical harm – firmly stop and separate children, attend to hurt child first. At this point, you can set limits, teach the kids about not hurting one another, discuss what they can do instead when they disagree, impose consequences, or perhaps revisit the rules in your family.

Each family, child, and situation is unique so it’s hard to say exactly what to do in every circumstance. But having a tool belt full of possible skills and approaches will help you to respond effectively when the fighting breaks out. Caveat: Never use spanking to stop sibling rivalry because it teaches children that violence is the way to deal with anger and problems and that the bigger/stronger person can use brute force to “win.”

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Sibling Rivalry | Leave a comment

Thanks Dad!

Posted on June 1, 2012 by admin

“Hang tough.” ~ Timmy Donahue (my father) to me

“Be yourself – don’t let anyone make you feel you can’t be yourself.” ~Glenn Gawinowicz (my husband) to my son

A thank you card from the kids: Thanks, Dad, for taking us to the creek and letting us upturn the big rocks to look for toads. Thanks, Dad, for picking us up when you came home from work and twirling us around, one on each arm, even though you were dog-tired and covered in dirt and grease. Thanks, Dad, for taking us to lunch and the playground every Saturday so Mom could get some rest. Thanks, Dad, for being so funny. Thanks, Dad, for taking us to the concert at 9:00 at night in a bad part of town and sitting in a coffee shop down the street for three hours until the concert was over. Thanks, Dad, for getting up at 4:00 a.m. on a Sunday in the middle of the winter to take me to my ice-hockey game. Thanks, Dad, for telling me I’m beautiful and smart and don’t let anybody tell me otherwise. Thanks, Dad, for everything – you’re the greatest.

Thanks for all the often thankless but important and enriching things that Dads do for their kids!

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Fathers, Parents | Leave a comment

What would you like for Mothers Day?

Posted on May 1, 2012 by admin

Spend some time alone every day. Dalai Lama

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

Do you feel like flowers are beautiful but not necessary; that candy is delicious but will only show up on your hips next week; that breakfast in bed is thoughtful but you just know that you will have to clean up the kitchen afterwards; and jewelry is so expensive and really, when would you wear it? Then perhaps the best present you can ask for on Mother’s Day would be some alone time. It’s free and probably what you are truly longing for anyway. Ask for the gift of being able to sleep in, the pleasure of reading a book without interruption, or perhaps going shopping all…by…yourself.

You will be recharged and able to enjoy the kids so much more when you return from your rendezvous with yourself. Best of all, you can “cash” it in anytime. And if the Dalai Lama thinks it’s a good idea, then it must be true!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

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Finding Balance

Posted on April 1, 2012 by admin

“Lesson not just karate only, lesson for whole life:
Whole life have a balance, everything be better. Understand?”
~Karate Kid, 1984

“You have to find balance;” that’s what everyone told me when I was a young parent complaining that I just could not do it all. But being told to find a balance felt like one more thing I had to accomplish. And I never really knew what it meant. Did “find a balance” mean accomplish everything on my to-do list even if I felt like I was balancing on a razor-thin tightrope?

Now that I’m older and somewhat wiser, I realize that finding balance means letting go of trying for perfection and instead aiming for good enough; learning to say no and meaning it; prioritizing; taking care of me; surrounding myself with people who encourage and appreciate me, and, having some fun along the way.

Here’s one example of finding balance: Let’s say that today you expected to clean the bathroom but your friend calls at the last minute and says, “The weather’s beautiful. Let’s take the kids to the playground.” If you are like me and find it difficult to just drop your chore (I have a bit of a problem with transitions), quickly altering your schedule may not work for you. So here’s a chance to find a balance. Perhaps do a quick wipe-up job on the bathroom and then meet your friend. (Believe it or not, I found a video on YouTube entitled “Clean the Bathroom in 5 Minutes.” Guess what? I tried it and my bathroom looks just as clean as it does when I spend a half-hour scrubbing it! It was a ‘good enough’ job). It’s a way to get something done and still have some fun – a balance.

Try putting “having fun” and “taking care of me” on your to-do list. Then, if you are really task-oriented, you can take a look at your list and exchange bathroom cleaning for sharing some fresh air and an activity with your children and a friend.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Parents | Leave a comment

Diminishing Anger with Humor

Posted on March 1, 2012 by admin

“I could fix this if I just had some duct tape.” – MacGyver (fictional TV character who resolved impending disasters at a moment’s notice with common household items)

Humor is my own personal duct tape. Why? Because humor can “fix” some tense family situations.

Take children’s anger for instance. Children of all ages become angry and that’s normal; but it can create stressful situations. When my son was five, I bought him his favorite action figure. But when we got home and opened the package, it wasn’t, after all, the exact figure that he wanted. He angrily threw the figure across the room. Shocked, I wanted to say, “How dare you throw that brand-new toy!” or, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a toy!” but that would have discounted his anger and/or escalated it. So, instead, McGyver-like, I picked up the toy and shouted directly into the action figure’s face, “Messed-up, no-good, wrong action figure.” My son could not help but laugh at my ridiculous words.

But my son and I learned several lessons that day:
• mistakes usually can be remedied (in the case of the wrong toy, it could be returned);
• think before you act;
• work on impulse control;
• use humor to lighten up tense moments;
• problems that might make us angry, in the grand scheme of things, may not be so monumental.

Caveat: humor cannot be used in every circumstance; use humor only when the time seems right; not when a situation is truly serious. And, please, no sarcasm. Children do not understand sarcasm; they take what you say literally. But when used properly, humor can alleviate tension and teach some good behaviors.

So, parents, during tense family situations, ask yourself, “What would MacGyver do?” and keep your duct tape at the ready.

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Anger | Leave a comment

Posted on February 1, 2012 by admin

“The wise adapt themselves to circumstances, as water molds itself to the pitcher”

Chinese Proverb

Did you ever hit black ice on the road? One minute you are driving along smoothly, the next minute you are doing a “180”, almost completely out of control.

That’s how it can feel when your little baby, who previously allowed you to lovingly meet his needs, enters toddler-hood. As children begin to assert their independence, many parents feel both exhilarated by the growth and unprepared to deal with this new little person:
• You may feel excited about their beginning to speak, but some of the things they say may stand your hair on edge, especially the incessant and forceful “No’s.”
• You may be thrilled that they now walk, but of course, this means they can run away from you – and you find yourself constantly running after them.
• You may be so pleased that they are more independent, but now they have opinions on everything from what they wear to what they eat to what songs you can sing.

It’s time to become a disciplinarian as well as the nurturing and loving caretaker you have been. It’s time to set limits to protect your children, make them feel safe, give them knowledge of what is expected of them and provide them with a sense of control and power over their own little world.

But limit setting needs to be realistic based on the child’s age, temperament, and developmental stage. If you do your best to understand child development while trying to set reasonable limits, your life with this ever-changing child can be more enjoyable. It may still be challenging to figure out how to cope with these new stages, but learning about the ins-and-outs of limit setting can minimize the “black ice” feeling and maximize the joy in this new phase of your parenting journey.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Discipline | Leave a comment

Going Beyond the Screen and into the Park

Posted on January 9, 2012 by admin

It was another winter day, but because it was the weekend, I was able to spend more time with my family. My wife and I cherish the opportunities that we have on the weekend where we can be with our two sons. Our children, who are four and two years old, enjoy sleeping late on the weekend. On this day, they did not have to get up early for their respective school and day care. After having breakfast and playing in their room, the boys wanted to watch cartoons on television. I told my wife that I wanted to take the boys to the park, and she thought they might be hesitant. My wife was right; the boys kept pleading their case about just staying inside for the day.

In the past, I had relented to my boys’ wishes about staying inside for the day. But after reading Richard Louv’s book, “Last Child in the Woods,” I decided that Daddy was going to take the family into the park. The boys continually screamed for their television shows and toys, and my older son began to cry as I put his sneakers on his feet. After all the chaos just to get out of the house, we took a stroller to the park. The boys began to calm down as they observed the trees blowing in the wind, and a big, old Golden Retriever barking at us as we approached the park.

When we came to the edge of the park, my wife noticed a path leading towards a stream. I parked the stroller at the side of the path and perceived that the boys did not want to get up and walk. They were tucked snugly in their winter coats, and began to cry as I said we were going to walk to the stream. Both of the boys said that they still wanted to be pushed down the path in the stroller. Even though I was frustrated by their apparent lack of interest, I calmly told my wife to walk towards the stream. After my wife walked ahead, I followed her down the path. Our boys knew that they were going to have to get out of the stroller and walk down the path to be with Mommy and Daddy. Both of them ran to us to catch up. After a few additional complaints about not being in the stroller, the boys finally calmed down and began to enjoy their surroundings. They climbed over rocks and fallen branches and soon marched down to the stream. My older son looked around and found larger tree branch and stuck it into the stream. In a matter of fifteen minutes he was captivated – by nature. My younger son was also enjoying himself thoroughly. He was picking up different leaves and moving them from place to place, with a great smile on his face. The boys had soon forgotten about my wife and I, as we watched them frolicking all over this beautiful area of the park. The cries for the television, their toys, and the stroller were now nonexistent. After the boys had spent a couple hours playing in the park, they both told us that they were hungry. Further up the path we had found a bench, and sat down and ate. The boys strayed from us for moments to explore, and then came back for more food. My wife and I continued to enjoy watching the boys and their free play in the park.

After we walked home, I reflected on how much fun the boys had in the park. They were both truly enthusiastic and exploratory once they had a chance to really orient to where they had been. They had the opportunity to obtain first hand experience of the world around them, as opposed to watching cartoon characters or a computer dazzle them. They were able to use their senses and enjoy nature. I realize that television, computers, and cell phones will always be a part of our lives and each have become habitual commodities as forms of entertainment. However, nature is often now forgotten in this technological world, and it can be most awe-inspiring and enjoyable to the human spirit. After reading Richard Louv’s book, I began to realize that my sons have more access to the technological world than the natural world. The television, computers, and cell phones are in their home; the park is outside. Even though they love nature, the power of the screen can induce initial ambivalence, resistance, crying, and protests. Yet after reading and thinking about how important nature is to children’s well-being and actually witnessing it firsthand, I will continue to take my boys to the park.

by Dr. Adam Berman, a clinical psychologist and a certified school psychologist, who works with children and their families with regard to concerns about excessive amounts of time spent on the cell phone, computer, or watching television.
267.971.1537
adamberm@comcast.net.

Posted in A Parent's Reflections | Leave a comment