Dads: Your Kids Need Your Time

Posted on June 1, 2014 by admin

“Kids spell love T-I-M-E.”

~Dr. Ken Canfield, Founder and President, National Center for Fathering

Life with a baby seemed like a never-ending series of diaper changing and baby-feeding; I could not get a thing done around the house. One day when my husband came home from work, he took the baby upstairs to his office to get him out of my hair. As I cleaned up, I did not hear one peep from upstairs. Hmm, suspicious. That night I asked my hubby, “How did you keep the baby so quiet?” He answered, “I gave him some of my old papers to play with while I did my work.” Apparently the kid ate it up – or ate the paper – either way, he was entertained.

Dads – you gotta love them!  They just have a way sometimes. A way that I would never be able to pull off.  And that’s part of what makes their place in the family so important. Research on the U.S. Government’s Health and Human Services’ website shows that fathers who spend time with their children provide an irreplaceable and beneficial effect on their kids. For instance:

  • “Fathers who spend time with their children playing and having fun contribute to the child’s development, teaching them, for example, how to explore the world and how to keep aggressive impulses in check. When it comes to father-child fun, active pursuits like tossing the football, playing basketball, hiking, or going to the library are more valuable for their relationship and for their child’s emotional well-being, social development, and physical fitness than spending time in passive activities such as watching television” – or, ahem, giving them paper to play with.
  • “Fathers who engage in productive activities with their children such as household chores, washing dishes after dinner, or cleaning up the backyard promote a sense of responsibility and significance in children that is linked to greater self-esteem, academic and occupational achievement, psychological well-being, and civic engagement later in life.”
  • “Fathers who spend time fostering their children’s intellectual growth—from reading to their children to meeting with their child’s teacher—contribute to their children’s academic success. Some studies show it is more important than the mother’s involvement.”

All fathers are unique as are all families, and what one Dad does to spend time with his child might be different from what another Dad would do. The important thing is that they spend the time – it’s all good!

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator
Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Fathers, Parents | Leave a comment

Parenting Tip #2: Stick Mom Says . . .

Posted on May 15, 2014 by admin

 

To learn more about messages that will fill children up and how to correct your kids without their feeling criticized.

Posted in Self-Esteem, STICK MOM | Leave a comment

Parenting Tip #1: STICK MOM SAYS…..

Posted on May 8, 2014 by admin

To learn more about self-esteem in our Library of Parenting Articles, click here.

 

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A Mother’s Day Gift to Yourself

Posted on May 1, 2014 by admin

Because I am Italian and a mother, guilt is my companion; like a little pet dog only not as cute and cuddly. One day, in the throes of a gargantuan guilt attack, I decided to apologize to my college-age daughter for acting like a mad woman at a time when we were each in a shaky stage of our lives: she was in middle school and I was in peri-menopause. So I e-mailed her, “I’m sorry, honey, it was a rough time, hormones were in a rage, blah, blah, blah, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa.”

Her stunning response: “I only remember good things about you, Mom. Even when I was really young I remember you always were so supportive of ideas that I had. One time I said I wanted to be a detective and you said, ‘You would be so great at that!’ And when I wanted to be a hairdresser you were just so supportive. It really to this day makes me feel so good!”

Whoo hoo!!! Apparently, I was my daughter’s bridge; a little rickety as times, but her bridge nonetheless. Take that, my pesky little companion called Guilt!

What did I learn from my daughter’s awesome response? That despite the inevitable mistakes we may make, if most of the time we give parenting our best effort, it makes a difference in our kids’ lives. So to all you guilt-ridden Moms out there, take heart. You are doing a great job – keep up the good work!

Watch the touching video below to hear about other moms who were unsure about whether they are doing a good enough job and listen to what their children had to say:

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Holidays, Parents | Leave a comment

Quick Parenting Tips from Stick Mom

Posted on May 1, 2014 by admin

 

Check back soon to see what Stick Mom has to say!

 

 

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When It’s Best Not to be Consistent

Posted on April 1, 2014 by admin

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

 ~Everett Dirksen

Childrearing experts tell us we need to be consistent in order to be good disciplinarians. However, Lynn Benjamin, Certified Parenting Educator and Marriage & Family Therapist, wisely says, “I often remind parents that being ‘consistently flexible’ rather than ‘rigidly consistent’ promotes a positive relationship with their children and sometimes heads off unnecessary power struggles.”

 Sounds good in theory but how can a parent put it into practice? Here’s an example: The summer my son turned 10, nothing was more important to him than riding his bike; ramps were built, accessories were bought, and fun was being had. Then school started. The rule in our house always was, “You have to do your homework as soon as you come home from school.” My son begged me to let him ride the minute he got off the bus. But what about the rule? Wasn’t I supposed to be consistent?

If I rigidly enforced the “homework right after school rule,” my son would probably be angry and frustrated, increasing the odds that he wouldn’t do his homework properly anyway. So, trying to balance flexibility with consistency, I let him ride his bike on the condition that he complete his homework right after riding. Knowing my son like I do, I was sure that he would stick to his word. We avoided a battle and my son knew that I cared about him and trusted him.

There are exceptions, however, to the consistently flexible issue; rules that pertain to safety, for instance, cannot be broken. Wearing your helmet all the time when bike riding is a must! But depending on the situation and your particular child, I give you permission to break a hard-and-fast rule because it can sometimes be more effective to bend the rules than to blindly stick to them.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Education

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Discipline | Leave a comment

Fitting with your Child’s Temperament

Posted on March 1, 2014 by admin

“Learn to read your child. That’s really what all of my work has been aimed at, trying to help parents understand their own child as an individual.”  Dr. T. Berry Brazelton

To learn to “read” your child requires understanding, compassion, education, and heaps of patience; especially when your temperament and your child’s temperament are not matches made in heaven.

For instance, you might be a low-energy person who enjoys spending free time reading books and are overwhelmed and bothered by a highly active child who wants you to spend the time riding bikes. Conversely, if you are an on-the-go type of person, you may feel trapped by a child who wants to stay in the house building Legos. Even a child who is very much like you can be a challenge – when a strong-willed parent locks horns with a strong-willed child, there can be fireworks! How well a child’s temperament fits with that of his parents is called “goodness of fit.”

Managing this “goodness of fit” concept can be difficult. But it can be accomplished by accepting the child for who he or she is, finding ways to accommodate both of your temperaments, and honoring the people you are both meant to be. This will:

  • avoid some recurring battles that may take place within your home.
  • build a more trusting, respectful relationship with your child.
  • give him the confidence to show what makes him unique.

To “read” more about temperament, click here.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Temperament | Leave a comment

Let your Family Know You Love Them

Posted on February 1, 2014 by admin

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Instead of chocolates or flowers, I am giving you a Valentine’s Day task. (Don’t worry, it’s easy.) Here’s what it is: tell someone in your life how much you appreciate them and why. It could be for the smallest thing, but something that makes them feel loved and special.

heart

For example, thank your partner for putting the coffee on every morning, thereby giving you the simple pleasure of rolling out of bed and pouring yourself a cup: “When you put the coffee on every morning, it makes my day just a little bit easier! That’s such a thoughtful thing to do.”

Thank your child for adding so much joy to your life: “I love how you make me laugh; thank you for brightening up my day!” Thanking someone for the little things can mean a lot to them.

Once when my very quiet, keep-his-compliments-to-himself son was around 10-years-old and I had just finished cleaning the bathroom, he exclaimed, “Good job on the bathroom, Mom, it’s so shiny!” Believe it or not, it made my day. (I know, I know – but I didn’t get out much when my kids were little!)

Give this year’s Valentine’s Day extra meaning by telling the significant people in your life that you love them and why. You might just make their day, and they may never forget how much they are appreciated!

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Holidays | Leave a comment

Have Some Fun During those Long, Cold Winter Days

Posted on January 1, 2014 by admin

“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”

~Horace

 

In the deep dark days of winter, when the kids are bored and you feel like you will never be warm again, try being a little foolish. Life with kids doesn’t always have to be full of teachable moments. Here are some silly suggestions:

  •  It’s snowing out and the thought of bundling up the kids to play in the snow makes you tired. So lie down and “teach” your children how to roll across the floor and bump off the couches like a robot vacuum cleaner. While they’re mastering this incredibly valuable skill, you can sit back, observe, and laugh.
  •  When you cannot bear to watch one more cartoon or listen to one more kid song, pick out your children’s favorite book, put on a cape and a hat (because who doesn’t look silly in a cape and a hat?) and read the book aloud at the top of your lungs in your best Orson Welles voice (wild gestures make this more enjoyable for everyone). 
  • Fill the kitchen sink with soap and water, find some plastic dishware, tell the kids to put their raincoats on (or anything that would keep them semi-dry), position safe chairs by the sink for them to stand on and let them “wash” the dishes. Then, make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, pull up your own chair next to the sink, put in your earphones and take the time to listen to your favorite music.

Finally, ask a trusted friend or family member to watch the kids for an hour while you go to the grocery store all by yourself. What a silly pleasure!

Come on, Spring!

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator
Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Seasonal: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall | Leave a comment

The Silver Lining to a Child’s Cancer Diagnosis

Posted on December 12, 2013 by admin

On December 10, 2007 I took my then 3 year old daughter, Felicia, to Abington Hospital’s ER for an ultrasound of her stomach.

Six weeks earlier, at her 3 year checkup, doctors felt a lump and ordered an X-ray. They saw something but diagnosed it as stool and began treating her for constipation.

So naturally on December 10th, I believed what they were doing was just the ultrasound, until I overheard a nurse on the phone ask, “What kind of labs do we draw on a 3-year old with a tumor?” I immediately started freaking out in my mind but didn’t ask any questions because I didn’t want any answers.

After a ton of lab work and an extremely long AND silent ultrasound, the doctor took me out of Felicia’s room and into the hall, sat me down, looked me in the eyes, and told me my child had cancer. I was then informed that they were waiting for a room to open at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, where we would be transferred by ambulance.

I was in shock; I started to zone out. I really didn’t hear much after that – it all just started to sound like a Peanuts cartoon. I remember riding in the back of the ambulance with Felicia lying on top of me. I believe it was around 11 pm when we arrived at CHOP and were taken to “The Room.” That “Room” would become our “New Home” for the next eight months.

We were greeted by a team of doctors. The first words they said to us were, “Your child has CANCER; your life will never be the same; and it affects the entire family.”

The next morning, the doctors placed a central line in Felicia and they did a biopsy. I remember that night not talking much and finding it hard to fall asleep because I just kept thinking, “This must be a bad dream” and feeling that I would soon wake up. But it wasn’t a dream, the life I had known – the one with three beautiful children with NO CANCER had ENDED. I was entering a new life that I was afraid to begin, and yet had no choice.

The following day I remember holding Felicia, both of us crying and wishing we were home. As we sat on the bed, we watched this happy bald child and her mom walking the halls. I couldn’t understand how they could be so happy and smiling. I remember wondering, “How are we ever going to be happy again?” Felicia’s doctor took my husband Bob and I out in the hallway, pulled up her X-rays on the computer, and started counting and pointing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9… 9 tumors on her lungs.

Then she counted 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… 5 tumors on her liver and then she went to her kidneys and counted tumors on both of her kidneys. I remember my husband asking if Felicia was going to die. The doctor said she was full of cancer and, yes, there was a chance she may not make it.

Felicia was diagnosed with Stage V Wilms tumor. Our journey was about to become really intense. Her treatment was to take place over a period of nine months, beginning immediately in December and ending in August. It would include five different chemotherapy drugs, removal of her right kidney and part of her left, eleven rounds of radiation from her neck to her pelvis, followed by another month’s worth of chemotherapy.

I had no idea how we were going to make it through the day, let alone the months.

Then something strange happened; we became friends with the mom and the little bald girl that we saw smiling and walking the halls. The mom’s name was Jen and the little girl was Sara. She had a brain tumor and they were coming to the end of her treatment. She explained to us a little about her journey and what was needed to survive. The main lesson she taught my family was to live life to the fullest because no one knows what tomorrow will bring. She explained what she did to enjoy the time in the hospital. She explained how being in the hospital helped you to block out everything else and to appreciate your child. She explained how it was important to make happy memories.

We quickly learned how kind everyone was to a family after their child gets diagnosed with cancer, and the nurses were especially wonderful. One instance I remember: it was Christmas, and the doctors couldn’t control Felicia’s fever or figure out what was causing it, so we were going to be in the hospital for Christmas! I remember crying and begging God, “Please let us go home to spend Christmas with the rest of my family.”

What I found out was Christmas in a children’s hospital is such an amazing experience. The staff made all the children, not just Felicia, feel so special. The nurses treated our children like they were their own, making sure to bring a smile to each of their faces. We also spent New Year Eve in the hallway of the hospital with all our new friends which are now like family.

I am so grateful for those memories.

 

By Renee Frugoli, mother of 3 healthy children: Angelina age 14, and Dean and Felicia age 10

 

 

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