Jailbreak: Labor & Delivery
Yuck. Blah. Ugh. Gnarly. Argh!
Seriously y’all, labor and delivery is really, really gross. What sane creature reproduces this way? Maybe all the pain and goo is a sign that Mother Earth, God, the Flying Spaghetti Monster – whomever – is trying to evolve our asses out of existence.
I mean, intellectually, I knew there were two babies growing inside of me but seeing them pulled out of my own body was surreal.
And the babies emerged looking like heroin addicts desperately in need of a fix. Cute heroin addicts, of course.
Through the rose-colored glasses of memory many describe the day of the children’s birth as miraculous – ours was too, but it was also pretty gooey and grim.
Our twins were born seven pounds each. (Ouch! And ouch again!) We had to evict them via C-section; evidently, they were happy to hang out in a warm, dark place with room service for the rest of their little lives. Perhaps at some later date I will have words of inspiration or insight about the experience. But right now, exhausted and babied out, I just recommend getting through it the best that you can. Vaginal birth or C-section, drugs or natural, at home or in the hospital or at a birthing center – be confident in whatever you realize that you need to do in the moment.
When we discovered that we needed a C-section, our original ideas about birth were kaput; the iTunes playlist that we carefully curated, the initial skin-to-skin contact, the massages and stretches that we practiced – we didn’t use any of them. However, having an idea of how we wanted our birth to go led me to be more calm leading up to the big day which was great for both my partner and me. In the end, the C-section went smoothly and we had two beautiful, healthy babies.
I could spend time obsessing about the “woulda’, coulda’, shoulda’”s of our twins’ birth, but who has the time and energy to waste on that? I’m breastfeeding two kids! And healing from birth! And occasionally considering divorcing my husband…but that’s a topic for another day.
