The Center for Parenting Education

“As it turns out, teenagers may, indeed, be a bit crazy. But they are crazy according to a primal blueprint; they are crazy by design.” Barbara Strauch, author of The Primal Teen

Did you know that the greatest changes to the parts of the brain that are responsible for impulse control, judgment, decision-making, and other similar functions occur in adolescence? Furthermore, this area of the brain (prefrontal cortex) does not reach full maturity until around age 25. So it’s not surprising, then, that teenagers may seem “a bit crazy.” 

One step a parent can take to deal with teens is to become educated in the developmental challenges they face, such as forming their own identity and values separate from you.  That is one of the reasons why friends become so important at this age; friends serve as a stepping stone to truly independent thinking.  It is also why teens are so critical of parents and try to spend as little time as possible with them.

In order to help teens accomplish the task of separating, parents need to step back a bit from being a ‘manager,’ who oversees day-to-day operations in their teens’ lives, and start becoming more of a ‘consultant,’ who is called on when needed.   

However, this need to give your teen ‘more rope’ in making his own decisions needs to be balanced with the awareness that his brain is not fully developed and his judgment is not mature.  This is a very tricky dance with your teen and one of the many reasons why parenting a teen is so challenging.

by Claire Gawinowicz,
Certified Parenting Educator

“The two worlds, the one inhabited by the adult and the one by the teenager, can intersect in a way that can truly enliven and enlarge the perspective of both.”

~ Ellen Galinsky, The Six Stages of Parenthood

What’s fun about parenting a teen??? They criticize our every move, don’t want to be seen with us, are embarrassed by us, don’t want to spend time with us, would rather be with their friends than with us, and challenge our dearly-held values.  Just having them around us can batter our self-esteem! But despite the bad press teens get, they can be delightful, fun, passionate, and energetic, and bring new life and new perspectives to a family.  So, what can parents do to make day-to-day life with their teen a bit more enjoyable?

Understand Their World

We need to understand what our teens are going through. One of the tasks of adolescence is distinguishing themselves from their parents. Remember that separating, while sometimes hard for parents to take, is part of teens doing their job of growing up, maturing and finding out who they are. Their criticism of you is usually more about them becoming their own person than it is about you as an individual, so try not to take it to heart.

Continue to Share Your Values With Them

They may roll their eyes when you tell them what you think about things, but they really do care  Instead of rigidly imposing your values, look for ways to influence your teen, such as modeling the behavior you’d like them to emulate.  Pick some rules that you can let go of; hold firm to rules that reflect your core values (for example: safety, trustworthiness, etc.).

Being a teen is complicated, as is parenting a teen. But it doesn’t have to be all negative. Learn more about this intricate time in your child’s life by checking out articles about adolescence in our Resource Library on our website.

By Claire Gawinowicz
Certified Parenting Educator