The Center for Parenting Education

Archive for the 'Self-Esteem' Category

A Sense of Self-Esteem

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”

~ Anna Freud

The way your child feels about him or herself is wrapped up in the term “self-esteem”. While there are many components necessary to build a child’s self-esteem, Harris Clemes and Reynold Bean in their book, How to Raise Your Child’s Self-Esteem, believe that there are certain conditions that need to be present for children to develop self-esteem. One of these conditions is having a Sense of Models:

Sense of Models (Having healthy standards and examples)

Knows people who are worthy models
Can tell right from wrong
Has a broad range of experiences
Develops the ability to work toward goals
Has a sense of order and priority in his life

To Increase a Child’s Sense of Models, a Parent can:

be good role models yourselves to the extent and in areas that you are able
broaden his range of experiences and exposure to different people who can also be role models
help him to talk about and understand his own beliefs
help him to set reasonable and achievable goals
share your beliefs without imposing them
state your own expectations and standards clearly
keep order in the family by communicating rules and limits clearly
help him understand the consequences of his behavior

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

Responsibility vs. Entitlement

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.
-Booker T. Washington

Placing responsibility on our children enhances their self -esteem by giving them a sense of accomplishment and showing them that we trust that they are capable of meeting their obligations. It is also an effective way to discourage a sense of entitlement in which children expect that everything will be done for them instead of learning to do things for themselves. Here are some ways for parents to encourage responsibility and raise self-esteem:

-Assign chores. Make the chores age appropriate; a 3 year old can pick up toys and put them in a basket; a 6 year old can help set and clear off the dinner table; a 9 year old can dust the furniture.

-Hold children accountable for their behavior. Help children understand both the positive and negative consequences of their behavior. For instance, if they do their homework before they go out to play then they can stay out longer. That would be a positive consequence. It helps them understand the ramifications of their choices.

- Resist the temptation to do too much for your kids. While we want to help them we must allow them to do things themselves. You can’t learn to walk if someone is holding you up all the time. We have to allow our children to fall down a few times. As long as it’s not a safety issue (like letting them cross the street without your guidance) then giving them the chance to learn for themselves is a good thing.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Posted in A - Z Parenting Tips, Overindulgence/Gratitude, Self-Esteem | No Comments »

I think I can, I think I can – Empowering Children

Friday, May 1st, 2009

As the little engine neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, “I–think–I–can, I–think–I–can.” It reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, “I thought I could, I thought I could.”
~Children’s Story

The Little Engine That Could listened to his inner voice. Where did he get the ability to use his inner voice to accomplish his goals? Maybe from an older, wiser train who gave him some tools. Here are some tools you can give your children to help them learn how to listen to their inner voice:

1. Choices. To a child a small choice represents an opportunity to exert some control over his own life. Do you want to take a bath now or wait until Mommy straightens up? These small choices change as the child develops: “Do you want to take out the garbage or sweep the floor?” The idea is that they learn how to choose. When they are older and the stakes are higher, serious choices about fast driving, substance abuse, etc. have to be made and they will have learned how to make the right choice.

2. Listening. When we listen to children’s feelings we help them to problem-solve and encourage their self-reliance. “Mom, I got invited to Sara’s party but I don’t really want to go.” “Hmm, I wonder why you feel like you don’t want to go?” Guide them through the decision-making process. There will be times, however, when we may have to make a decision for them. “Mom, I’m not wearing my seatbelt.” “I’m sorry, honey, everyone in our family has to wear a seatbelt for safety.” Some decisions are non-negotiable.

3. Expressing themselves. If your child is passionate about something, allow them to feel what they feel. If we deny their feelings, we are telling them that their feelings are not real. This discourages the inner voice. “I don’t want to play soccer, I like to draw.” “Oh, you’d rather draw than play soccer.”

4. Mistakes are not the end of the world. “Mom, I just spilled juice all over the kitchen floor.” ”I’ll show you where the rags are and help you clean it up.” This is again based on age; a three-year-old can help you clean up her spill, an eight-year-old can probably clean it up herself.

5. Be a role model. The old adage “do as I say not as I do” is counter-intuitive. Children are very cognizant of actions we take in our everyday lives. We need to develop a habit of listening to our own inner voices to make good decisions.

Not only is it rewarding for us to see our children make their own decisions, but it is also empowering for them to trust their own ability to solve problems. In this way, they won’t feel overwhelmed when they face life’s challenges.

by Claire Gawinowicz,

Certified Parenting Educator