The Center for Parenting Education

“Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report written on birds that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books about birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”
~Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Being overwhelmed by homework and projects can immobilize anyone, no matter what their age. Teaching our children to take things “bird by bird” is a good lesson in time management. By dividing projects into smaller chunks that can be done over a couple of hours, days or weeks helps children learn how to pace their work, reduce stress, and allow more time for fun.

In fact, I’m going to use this tip the next time I write an article. I won’t let the vastness of the writing project overwhelm me. I’ll take it word by word and bird by bird.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

For more articles related to school issues, go to: http://www.centerforparentingeducation.org/programs_articles.html#nschool

The only man who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew every time he sees me while all the rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
- George Bernard Shaw

My son was exceptionally quiet as a child, so quiet that his kindergarten teacher thought there was something wrong with him. He did not fit into the outgoing, skipping-on-the-playground kind of child. At my first teacher conference that year, his teacher questioned his quietness. I explained to her that for him it’s perfectly normal. She was an older teacher, and in her wisdom, gave me a simple suggestion that helped me and my son throughout his student career. She suggested that at the beginning of every school year I talk to each teacher about my son and who he is. It was a great suggestion. The teachers appreciated it and my son benefited from it as well.

Does your child have an area in which he or she may need extra help at school? Communicate that to the teacher so you can give your child a head start to drive success all year long. Here are a few suggestions on how to communicate information to your child’s teacher:

• Ask when it is most convenient for the teacher to talk (when you drop your child off in the morning or pick up after school may not be the best time).
• Write a short note to the teacher and send it in with your child.
• E-mail the teacher.
• In addition to telling the teacher about your child, ask if there’s anything you can do at home to help your child.

By Claire Gawinowicz
Certified Parenting Educator

We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!

-Pink Floyd

Oh, the universal anxiety of the start of a new school year! Although some children may truly look forward to it, for others, lots of assistance from you may be necessary.

It can be helpful if you communicate to your children an attitude of optimism and enthusiasm about the upcoming year.  For example, you can say:

• “It will be nice to see some of your school friends that you haven’t seen all summer.”
• “Remember how much fun you had playing kickball at recess last year?”
• “Remember at the beginning of school last year, you didn’t know anyone in your class and before you knew it you made some great friends?”
• “Let’s make a list of some your favorite lunches and we’ll plan them out for the first week.”
• “I heard Mrs. X allows lots of free time, singing, drawing, etc. in her classroom.”

When your children hear your confidence in them and in their ability to be successful and enjoy school, it can help them to overcome their fears and anxieties and set a positive tone for the whole year!

Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

The beginning of the school year can be a mixed bag of feelings: excitement, unease, nervousness, hopefulness, and more. 

These are all normal feelings and sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to listen with patience and without judging, and allow your children to express freely what they are feeling.  It helps if you stay calm and realize that some of your children’s initial feelings don’t last. 

Remember that some children who are temperamentally “slow to warm” may take a few months to adjust to his or her new teacher, new classmates, and new routines.  In the meantime, you can:

• continue to listen
• break down what some of their concerns are so they don’t generalize and catastrophize (Is the problem the teacher? the classmates? a friend situation? recess? schoolwork?)
• engage in a problem exploration process, in which you help your child to come up with plans to deal with what is concerning them
• help your child to see what is good about school, without discounting the significance to them of what is upsetting them

It is often best if you don’t solve every problem for your children; give them the time to try to work out solutions on their own, with your support and encouragement.  Sometimes, children learn more from learning to manage a difficult teacher or situation than if their parent comes to their rescue!