The Center for Parenting Education

Spend some time alone every day. Dalai Lama

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

Do you feel like flowers are beautiful but not necessary; that candy is delicious but will only show up on your hips next week; that breakfast in bed is thoughtful but you just know that you will have to clean up the kitchen afterwards; and jewelry is so expensive and really, when would you wear it? Then perhaps the best present you can ask for on Mother’s Day would be some alone time. It’s free and probably what you are truly longing for anyway. Ask for the gift of being able to sleep in, the pleasure of reading a book without interruption, or perhaps going shopping all…by…yourself.

You will be recharged and able to enjoy the kids so much more when you return from your rendezvous with yourself. Best of all, you can “cash” it in anytime. And if the Dalai Lama thinks it’s a good idea, then it must be true!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

“Lesson not just karate only, lesson for whole life:
Whole life have a balance, everything be better. Understand?”
~Karate Kid, 1984

“You have to find balance;” that’s what everyone told me when I was a young parent complaining that I just could not do it all. But being told to find a balance felt like one more thing I had to accomplish. And I never really knew what it meant. Did “find a balance” mean accomplish everything on my to-do list even if I felt like I was balancing on a razor-thin tightrope?

Now that I’m older and somewhat wiser, I realize that finding balance means letting go of trying for perfection and instead aiming for good enough; learning to say no and meaning it; prioritizing; taking care of me; surrounding myself with people who encourage and appreciate me, and, having some fun along the way.

Here’s one example of finding balance: Let’s say that today you expected to clean the bathroom but your friend calls at the last minute and says, “The weather’s beautiful. Let’s take the kids to the playground.” If you are like me and find it difficult to just drop your chore (I have a bit of a problem with transitions), quickly altering your schedule may not work for you. So here’s a chance to find a balance. Perhaps do a quick wipe-up job on the bathroom and then meet your friend. (Believe it or not, I found a video on YouTube entitled “Clean the Bathroom in 5 Minutes.” Guess what? I tried it and my bathroom looks just as clean as it does when I spend a half-hour scrubbing it! It was a ‘good enough’ job). It’s a way to get something done and still have some fun – a balance.

Try putting “having fun” and “taking care of me” on your to-do list. Then, if you are really task-oriented, you can take a look at your list and exchange bathroom cleaning for sharing some fresh air and an activity with your children and a friend.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Gettin’ good players is easy. Gettin’ ‘em to play together is the hard part.
~Casey Stengel

Team Parenting: when people work as a team, jointly committed to the care and raising of a child; both mutually supportive; sharing basic philosophical positions about parenting; helping each other out; listening to feelings; appreciating efforts; and planning together how to deal with major issues.

Sounds perfect, right? However, this is not a perfect world. While team parenting is an ideal concept to work toward, the day-to-day struggles of parenting, and the back-and-forth between people who may have very different ideas about raising children sometimes makes teamwork seem impossible.

But remember there are ways that you can encourage a team spirit by using healthy communication skills. If you need help with something or disagree with your partner’s parenting methods:

- talk about it in a non-threatening way, privately, away from the children
- be appropriately assertive instead of aggressive or submissive
- listen to your partner’s needs; try to be empathic
- own and express your feelings using “I” statements
- accept that differences and conflict in life are inevitable
- keep your sense of humor without sarcasm or put-downs

Healthy communication can help get the “players” united and create a winning team!

by Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

My guiding principles in life are to be honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring.

~ Prince William (whose mother died when he was 15)

Being a dad is not an easy job under any circumstances, but going it alone, due to divorce, widowhood or other reasons, can be especially difficult. As a single dad, there also may be a concern that your children are not going to be raised as well as children in a two parent family or even by a single mom, for that matter.

But Ohio State University researchers did a study of teenagers raised by single fathers as well as single moms and they found that there was not much difference at all between the two groups of kids. They also noted that we (the public) “should really rethink the assumption that the gender of a parent plays a critical role in the development of children.”

Though most single-parent families are headed by moms, single fathers are increasing in numbers and there are notable, very successful and well-accomplished people who were raised by single dads: Princes William and Harry, Apolo Anton Ohno, Emily Cook (U.S. Olympic ski team 2010) and Cary Grant.

One thing single dads can do is to make sure there are women in the child’s life, such as aunts, grandmothers, teachers, or coaches, who will take an interest in the child and be a female role model.

Being a dedicated and committed parent is really what it’s all about. And there is support out there for parents of all stripes. So, Dads, take heart; even though you may feel like you are taking on the weight of the world because you are doing double-duty, your children, too, can be “honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring.”

By Claire Gawinowicz
Certified Parenting Educator

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~Aesop

So much of the early years at home with my children is a blur: lacking sleep, caring for young children 24/7, and suffering from post-partum depression contributed to the haze. But a couple of things I do remember clearly: one time, out of the blue, my oldest sister gave me and my husband a gift certificate to a restaurant and a promise to babysit for the night. Another is when we moved to a new town and a neighbor, whom I did not know well at all, gave me a delicious chicken dinner a week after my daughter was born. These random acts of kindness were amazing to me and so much appreciated.

If it’s possible, maybe you can bestow a random act of kindness on a new or struggling mom you know on this Mother’s Day. It doesn’t have to be as elaborate as a night out on the town or as complete as a whole dinner; maybe just some flowers, a promise of one hour of babysitting so she can grocery shop all by herself (what a treat!), or maybe a healthful desert like a fruit salad. I guarantee she will never forget it. And the added benefit? The good feeling you get by helping someone else will be a Mother’s Day gift to yourself!

by Claire Gawinowicz
Certified Parenting Educator